towards a path unknown
The first quarter at Central has been a breeze. Psychology is fascinating and the work load isn't hard. And math, well math is just math. But I've registered for next quarter - and my am I in for a ride.
I'm looking forward to a quarter of hectic schedules, night-long studies, and on-going rants. I thrive in such situations, and also it will keep my mind off of things. Things like my siblings whom I miss terribly, or my ever-changing mind that tells me to pursue a career as a doctor, or as a nurse, perhaps even a teacher and writer
Ha ha ha
Funny, real funny.
Moving right along. I've been having trouble with getting errands done -in the right order. It isn't so much a matter of prioritizing as it is remembering. I am so forgetful.
I wanted to write this post yesterday, and the day before yesterday, and the day before that.
And my grandmother has asked me countless times to call her doctor's, I don't know whatever for.
And we've been without internet at our father's apartment for some time now. I thought my brother would take care of that, but it looks like that too has fallen upon me to undertake. Me who is writing an overdue post at her grandma's house, with a textbook open nearby and eyes that are framed with exhaustion, and a hint of sorrow.
I don't know if this is the life I'm meant to be living, or if there is perhaps more -beyond the puddles I avoid, and the curving endless paths that present themselves to me - as nothing more than choices. Choices that terrify me and excite me and make me wonder if somethings are worth falling for, and crying for, and failing for, and possibly even dying for.
Sure I go to college. I know what I want to do (please refer to paragraph two) and I'm getting things done. But I want to do more. Like volunteer at a hospital. And take CNA classes. Do medical interpreting for a while. Be a librarian. Form a book club. Write a book.
But, here I am writing an overdue post at my grandmother's house, with my open textbook nearby, craving orange juice, missing my siblings, and feeling so very sorry for my worn eyes and how much it must behold and withhold - this brightly lit screen, the sorrow that is almost seeping through, almost, and the exhaustion of hoping, and hoping
and hoping,
that perhaps tomorrow shall be different.
I'm looking forward to a quarter of hectic schedules, night-long studies, and on-going rants. I thrive in such situations, and also it will keep my mind off of things. Things like my siblings whom I miss terribly, or my ever-changing mind that tells me to pursue a career as a doctor, or as a nurse, perhaps even a teacher and writer
Ha ha ha
Funny, real funny.
Moving right along. I've been having trouble with getting errands done -in the right order. It isn't so much a matter of prioritizing as it is remembering. I am so forgetful.
I wanted to write this post yesterday, and the day before yesterday, and the day before that.
And my grandmother has asked me countless times to call her doctor's, I don't know whatever for.
And we've been without internet at our father's apartment for some time now. I thought my brother would take care of that, but it looks like that too has fallen upon me to undertake. Me who is writing an overdue post at her grandma's house, with a textbook open nearby and eyes that are framed with exhaustion, and a hint of sorrow.
I don't know if this is the life I'm meant to be living, or if there is perhaps more -beyond the puddles I avoid, and the curving endless paths that present themselves to me - as nothing more than choices. Choices that terrify me and excite me and make me wonder if somethings are worth falling for, and crying for, and failing for, and possibly even dying for.
Sure I go to college. I know what I want to do (please refer to paragraph two) and I'm getting things done. But I want to do more. Like volunteer at a hospital. And take CNA classes. Do medical interpreting for a while. Be a librarian. Form a book club. Write a book.
But, here I am writing an overdue post at my grandmother's house, with my open textbook nearby, craving orange juice, missing my siblings, and feeling so very sorry for my worn eyes and how much it must behold and withhold - this brightly lit screen, the sorrow that is almost seeping through, almost, and the exhaustion of hoping, and hoping
and hoping,
that perhaps tomorrow shall be different.
I think I understand how you feel. Sometimes, I just stare at my computer screen too or at anything and wonder if wherever I am now is really where I truly want to be. I'm a college student too, I want to be a programmer but sometimes I just feel like there's something more from life I want, like there's got to be something I should be that is remarkable.
ReplyDeleteBelieve it or not, the things you mentioned, the wanting to be a volunteer, a librian and wanting to write a book. They crossed my mind too. At one point I also really wanted to be a soldier.
I think it's funny, stumbling upon your blog by typing random address. And reading this. Somehow I don't feel so alone. :)
Hi! Thanks for the thoughtful comment! And yes, it is a great comfort knowing that there are others that share the same thoughts, emotions and experiences as ourselves!
DeleteI love your blog by the way. Your writing style is smooth. Keep it up! :)
Thank you very much. That means a lot to me. :)
DeleteI like yours too, it's so real. I'm glad I found your blog. :)